DAY 5: On how to get used to things.
Thursday, 19 October 2023
Unless you're struggling with bipolar disorder which naturally comes with two opposite condition happening over and over again, please don't fall into the trap of mania. And don't fall into the trap of depression.
I did not struggle with bipolar disorder, but my mind was so used to be in the state of both in whatever circumstances occurred in my life. Those overwhelming states of joy and depression can look like a positive emotions, the illusion of us enjoying or feeling our own feelings. But that way, I did not know how to face stillness. For me back then, life should be about excitement or sorrow. Nothing in between.
Like how self-fulfilling prophecy, my mind was forced to choose which state it wanted to belong. And it chose depression, then here I am now, battling real depression.
My psychiatrist once told me that I need to wait at least 15 seconds to respond to something so I did not fall into the trap of overjoy or depression. You might have guessed it right, that I used to react instead of response.
When good news happened, I reacted with 101% of joy.
When bad news happened, I reacted with 101% of sorrow.
I was being addicted to extremes.
When nothing happened, I felt so frantic craving for yet another extremes to come, be it good or bad. I was unconscious. I was not who I was when I felt so.
This is why, to be able to get used to something more than joy and sorrow is important. We can be in idle or complete stillness and still embrace it as it is without craving for any extreme polar to occur that time.
It's hard. It's very hard. But I'm trying. Maybe you should, too.